Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Mother of the Year

Yes, I have awarded myself Mother of the Year.  I know, it's a hard award to earn but someone has to do it.  Let me tell you how I "proudly" earned the title!

1.  Getting the house ready to put on the market (7 showings since Saturday!) is not an easy task.  I have scrubbed, bleached, vacuumed, dusted, cleaned my grout, pulled weeds, washed windows, and cleaned our house more in the past week then the four years we have lived here.  So, what have my children done during this time?  Good question.  I know they have all eaten, slept, used the restroom (seriously, not cool pooping in a freshly cleaned toilet), and made a mess of everything I have cleaned. Pretty much they are alive but I think I ignored them a tad so I could get said house cleaned.  Not good.

2.  I yell.  A. Lot.

3.  I told my kids the other day to not touch any carpet or tile floors because the floors were clean.  They gave me confused looks since our whole house is carpet or tile.

4.  One child entered a room and I freaked out.  Because I just vacuumed.

5.  I gave my kids "stinky" cheese last night with dinner.  I had leftover spaghetti hidden in the freezer, so tada!  Dinner!  They asked for the stinky cheese* and I must have blacked out because who gives their kids stinky cheese when your house is on the market?  ME!!  WHY?!!  Took about 30 minutes to clean it all up, I kid you not!

*Parmesan, called stinky cheese by the kids.

6.  I have been cleaning our horrible (insert choice words not suitable for a family blog) tile the past few days.  I. HATE. GROUT!  Who invented tile and grout in the first place?  I have been on my hands and needs with a tooth brush scrubbing with baking soda and bleach.  Then, our realtor said grout paint is a miracle and takes less then an hour for the entire house of grout to be clean and done.  Um, no.  Looks like a poured whiteout on my tile.  Back to the toothbrush.

Story here, cleaned the grout one night (spending most of the evening cleaning only half the kitchen) and what happens the next morning?  Juice spilled all over the clean grout area.  I may have screamed.  I may have yelled.  I may have cried.  I may have said a few choice words.   I'm an awesome example to my children on how to handle the pressures of life.

7.  We had three showings yesterday (Yay!  Make an offer!) and of course, all three were during nap time.  I drove around for an hour for Will to sleep and then took my kids to the pool the rest of the afternoon.  I don't wear out my children, I exhaust them.

8.  I told my children to not touch a single thing in our house while I got my shoes on.  Will went in the office and touched our glass desk.  There were finger prints and foot prints.  Really?  Any guesses on how I reacted?

9.  In between showings yesterday, we had to make a potty break at home (those pool bathrooms are so gross) and change into our suits.  I asked Molly to put her and Jack's dirty clothes into our laundry basket in my closet.  "Did you put everything in the basket?"  "Yes!"  "Are you sure?"  "Yes!  I did!"  3 hours later, I find a pair of Jack's shorts in the middle of the room.  "What part of put everything into the basket don't you understand?!!!"  Someone may have yelled.

10.  My routined, likes to know what to expect children are way thrown off.  Daddy's flying back and forth, we have showings with a short notice (like 30 minutes) and have to leave quick, be gone for hours at a time, eat lunch at friends houses, drive around for naps, clean, clean, clean all day nutso mommy, they are spent.  "What are we doing tomorrow?"  Well, depends on our showings, what time they're at, and how many, if any!  What if we don't have any?!!!

See, with my help and guidance, you too can become Mother of the Year.  I know what you're thinking, what lucky kids and how does she do it all with such grace, patience, and joy?  Well, it didn't happen overnight folks!  Wish us luck with the showings and say a pray we get an offer soon, I don't think I can take months of this!

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